Women's instructions

*What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
*If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there

joKe!!!!
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife....

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive.

A math joke
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering

What's a man's idea of housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.

Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?
A: A new age song

A math joke
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school

women's guIde
#I'M TIRED.
I'm tired.

#I'VE GOTTA GO.
Get out of the way and stay away until it clears

#WHAT'S WRONG?
I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this

#YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
I liked it better before

womeNs traNslatioN

+im not upset = Of course Im upset, you moron!
+Am I fat? = Tell me Im beautiful
+Nothing, really = Its just that you're such an idiot!
+Im sorry. = You'll be sorry

Men advising women
^Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'
^When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine
^If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it
^Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials

CATS:
Women love cats =gosH tT ish toTal bullshit!! by viCky=

hahahax..dOnNo y tis few daes lyk to posT up joKes..maYb toO borin leDi baX..hahax..exam period sia..aLamak..siaNzaTion..aRgh

sEen thRu 5:40:00 AM